…the ground pulsing, a rhythmic vibration pushing us to the bathroom stall. He pulled out an eyedropper, my glitter-coated dinner pills from earlier swelling my vision. I feel a puddle form on my hand, burning into my skin, absorbing into my brain. Slurping as my head spins me back to the music. Touch, the music touches me, pleases me. No longer in my head, the moment drugs me. Blind, but seeing things, colors, shapes, people, the non-existent….
My fairytale. I felt amazing that night at the rollerskating rink rave. Popping pills, smoking blunts, and dropping acid throughout the night. No control over what may happen, just living in the moment, free to be myself. I was already fucked up on ecstasy when I went in that bathroom stall. I wanted one hit of acid but being a pretty girl the dealer put acid in the palm of my hand. It was dark, a shady spot, out of a movie. The music pumping in the background, dim lights, sticky floor, very tweekeresk. I had never done more than two hits of acid at a time, and this was a puddle. Acid absorbs into the skin, no need to lap it up. I still did of course, but nothing gets left behind with acid, the body uses it to fuel the intricate dreams you are about to experience. The panic of seeing that puddle set me up for a nightmare. Not knowing if I would survive the coming trip. My brain began to bleed, I could see it in my eyes. Everything became a reddish purple, I would call it Beet juice. My hysterics dragged me back to a friends house. He answered the door, no longer a man but a rat. I look back on that moment and wonder if acid helped me see his true character. Strangers in the house took advantage of my trip, sending me into a hellish dream. I was pushed into a bathroom as they flickered the lights on and off, creating a make-shift thunderstorm. The shower on high scalding, lights flashing, I was being electrocuted, struck by lightening. In a panic pounding on the door, LET ME OUT, HELP ME! My captors let me loose. Bloodshot eyes, terror stricken, I knew I was going to die. Surrounded by gorillas, laughing hyenas, every person a different wicked animal. I ran outside with my cell phone, repeatedly dialing 911, calling my mother and hanging up. A minivan drove down the street, slowly, leery in the streetlights, emergency lights flashing, all the doors wide open and as it got closer I realised that nobody was driving it. As I begin to panic, knowing I am seeing things, its not real, its not real, its not real, its not real….the van stops in front of the driveway. Blackness on the inside of the van, blinkers only flashing enough light for me to see that nobody was driving it. This was the grim reaper coming to take me away. The grim reaper drives a minivan. I slammed the door, running back inside. Minivan or the evil zoo? I ran back outside, the minivan gone. I found my car keys but as I began creeping to my car, the minivan appeared. Going slightly faster, blinkers on, doors open, nobody driving, it was coming right at me. Back to the zoo I ran, the rat awaiting my entrance. In and out I went for what seemed like days, every time I opened the front door the minivan appeared in the street lights, making its way to transport me to my coffin. My paranoia hit a peak inside the zoo. I ran to my car before the minivan could catch me. Slamming the reapers bony fingers in the door. I breath. Alive. Now I just have to make it home. Rolling the engine over, POOF! I wasn’t even driving, the streetlights took me home that night. Each light reaching out to me and pulling me with their beams, pole hopping. I just sat back and watched them guide me home. Then I reached my block, lined with trees but to streetlights, i must enter the abyss. My car creeped up to the forest. Rolling into another land, a happy land. A purple bubble, shining brightly as the trees sang to me, I was entering Rodger Rabbits toontown. Fa-lalalalalala the deer pranced next to me, windows down, happy again. My purple balloon was rolling me into my drive way. I was safe. Until I realised I had to be at my family reunion in three hours. A shower will get rid of an acid trip right?! The answer, no. My all white tiled shower was a skittles commercial, I tasted the rainbow. Putting makeup on, took hours, my face would just not stay put, it kept melting onto the floor. My eyes black marbles, with some period stains. Nothing stood fucking still. How in the hell can I face my parents, grandparents, people I have never met in my family?! I was careless, nobody would know, I can pull anything off. I stood outside the barn where the entire Fridley family was huddled. looking up at the sky. Snowflakes began to fall. A porcelain doll all in white, really my little 6 month old cousin. It was summer, no snowflakes. Snap out of it. I so badly wanted to continue my heavenly trip with dolls and snowflakes. But then grandpa came peering over at me. He smelled it on me. Drugs. Beady eyes and a firm grasp on the fleshy part of my arm. The hold mothers give, digging his nails in. He knew. My feet ached from the all night dancing at the rave. The last thing I can remember from that rollercoaster nightmare heaven and hell vacation was telling everyone at the family reunion how badly my shoes hurt, in regards to my feet. “My shoes hurt.”
